Note the alignment of the underlined
words in the following verses
- Verse Gn31-17
discussing the travels of Jacob states
Then Jacob rose up, and set his sons and his wives upon camels;
- Verse Gn36-06
discussing the travels of Esauv states
and Esau took his wives, and his sons, and his daughters, and all the persons of his house, and his cattle, and all his beasts, and all his wealth, which he had got in the land of Canaan; and went to another country, away from his brother Jacob.
Rashi comments: The order is reversed:
- By Jacob the men(sons) precede the women
- By Esauv the women(wives) precede the men
Sermonic point: Rashi does not further explain
why this different order occurs. However we can explain the difference
using the concept of gender-role-models. As children grow up it
is important that they witness many examples of gender-role-models.
A lack of proper role models can be one contributing factor
of marital problems. Here Jacob teaches that males must lead while
Esauv ignores this gender role model. It is not surprising that
Esauv is known for his violence a trait associated with poor marriages.
The reason for the gender role model, males lead is because
of the physiological difference between the genders--the responses
of one gender may be involuntarily induced while the responses of
the other gender are based on performance. Hence it is preferable
to give the lead to the gender which must perform.
Rabbi Friedman in his best selling book Doesn't anyone blush
Anymore makes the point that the 20th century is the first period
in which confusion on gender identity has created so many poor
relations. This point of Rabbi Friedman is echoed in the above and
similar Rashis which emphasize the importance of creating
appropriate gender role models.