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From: rhendel@king.mcs.drexel.edu (Russell Hendel)
Date: Wed, 3 Jul 1996 19:51:32 -0400
Subject: Vow Freeing Ceremony for Customs

[Anonymous, Vol 24 # 54] writes that she took a vow and for ten years
wore a head covering. Although she had no problem observing the custom
when she took the vow she recently ran into a situation where the vow
caused disrespect.  She inquired on the halachic implications of this
dilemma.

To the best of my knowledge (please correct me if anyone knows this is
wrong) EVEN IF NO VOW was taken, if a person performs a custom for say
three years (without explicitly stating BELI NEDER) then it is
considered as if the person took a vow. In such a case the custom must
be observed till the person goes thru a legal ceremony which requires a
court to free the person from the vow.

In this particular case there is no problem on freeing the vow: Freeing
the vow requires a NEW AWARENESS.  In this case anonymous is AWARE that
her custom causes DISRESPECT NOW but did not do so (according to her own
account) at the time she took the vow. Thus a NEW AWARENESS exists
allowing the court to free her from her vow.  It should be noted that a
court is required. I would therefore advise anonymous to seek Rabbinical
help and indicate this new AWARENESS

Incidentally one of the most famous religious vows that was freed is
that of Rabbi Akiba's father in law who vowed to disinherit his daughter
for marrying an ignoramous.  Several decades later the father came to
Rabbi Akiba (without being aware that he was his daughter's husband) and
said he regretted treating his daughter that way.  When Rabbi Akiba
asked him if he WOULD HAVE MADE the vow HAD HE KNOWN his son in law
would be a great scholar the father in law said "of course not".  Rabbi
Akiba then revealed his identity and the two made up.

I mention this story to deal with the PSYCHOLOGICAL problem of
anonymous: Rabbi Akiba's father in law did not make a mistake when he
took the vow...  since he communicated thereby how important it was for
his son in law to become a scholar! When the son in law became a scholar
the need for the vow vanished and it could be annuled.  In a similar
manner the vow by anonymous to wear a hat made her aware of how
important it was to be involved in symbolic affirmations of her
religious identity...and it is clear from the posting (please reread it)
that by enjoying a shabbos "<and I had a blast... one of the best
shabbosses>" she fulfilled this very legitimate and strong need. Hence
it is logical to assume that the original way of fulfilling this need
(by wearing a hat is no longer needed).

In passing I believe that the above simultaneous
approach---<halachic--NEW AWARENESS-&-psychological>---perhaps gives
more insight into the Vow laws.

Russell Hendel,, Ph.d ASA  rhendel @ mcs . drexel . edu