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From: rhendel@king.mcs.drexel.edu (Russell Hendel)
Date: Tue, 27 Aug 1996 13:29:10 -0400
Subject: New Year Socializing: A preparation for the Mitzvah of Marriage

I am responding to the rich variety of postings on whether members of
the opposite sex should socialize on Rosh Hashana on tashlich.

My answer is simple. It should be encouraged.  Marriage is a Mitzvah.
What better time to meet people then by a religious symbolic ceremony
making us new and refreshed.  Certainly people who go to Movies and bars
might find this a welcome switch!!  Furthermore, if say a boy and girl
had a falling out or a misunderstanding what better time to make up.

How then do I account for those occasional acharonim who prohibit
because of the excesses of Socializing?? Simple.  Let me give you an
analogy.  My mother once told me that she had stopped going to one of
the nearby Mikvah's in our neighborhood because "there was too much
socializing" when people met there (have you seen so and so etc). It was
too gossippy so she went to a more distant mikvah.

Now my mother was NOT giving a Pesak not to go to Mikvahs.  She was
personally assessing a situation and acting on it.  In a similar manner
if a particular rabbi sees that IN HIS congregation people are too
gossipy at Tashlich and more harm is being done than good and he can't
stop it then HE might try to prohibit Tashlich.  In other words Tashlich
prohibitions MUST be perceived as HORATH SHAaH in a particular
situation. It cannot however be imagined that any Rav would try and stop
people from socializing for marriage.

In a similar vein one person posted on the fact that Beith Yaakov girls
who say good shabbos to someone in the street get a bad reputation. This
is news to me.  But again any such policy must be regarded as temporary
with a particular girl and boy involved. Indeed saying Hello is so
important that I can interrupt Kriath Shema to return a greeting!  In
fact it would seem to me that abstaining from returning a greeting would
violate the Biblical law of Onaah --hurting someone elses feelings.

The underlying theme in these two comments is the same: A biblical
commandment cannot be set aside because of some vague "atmosphere" goal
of Tzniuth. Thus the commandment of marriage encourages people to talk
during Tashlich (except if a community misuses this) and similarly the
prohibition of Onaah obligates Beth yaakov girls to say good shabbos
(unless the boys in the community are so hyper that even a good shabbos
leads to "sinful responses" a possiblity that I really dismiss as
unlikely).

I conclude by noting that the Rambam in his great introduction to his
commentary on Pikay Avoth---the so called "eight chapters" which discuss
Jewish views on psychology-- clearly states that a person who is
momentarily not on the "middle road" has the right to abstain from
permissable things (such as socializing during tashlich and saying good
shabbos) BUT ONLY till he returns to normal.

I believe that this "temporary" concept will spread sufficient light on
the occasional strigencies we see in Tzniuth to prevent us from getting
entangled in unacceptable practices.

With this in mind I wish a happy new year to all Jewish singles and hope
they meet their bashert a few weekends from now!  Just think of the
great Kiddush Hashem if a MJ discussion could lead to breaking a bad
trend and to many couples getting married!

Russell Jay Hendel,Ph.d, ASA, rhendel @ mcs . drexel . edu