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From: rhendel@mcs.drexel.edu (Russell Hendel)
Date: Tue, 26 Nov 1996 22:57:49 -0500
Subject: Shidduchim : An Actuarial Approach

Anonymous recently decried the practices of Shadcannim in lying about
their clients background (Vol 25 # 23).  Just to support the protest
against these practices I note that Maimonidees (Laws of Sales)
prohibits EVEN e.g. selling a shoe made with non Kosher leather to a non
jew who requested a Kosher leather shoe. The consequent comments to be
made about fraudulent Shadcahnnim are obvious.

While I applaud the protest against scrupulous practices I would like to
suggest some simple ideas which might help the "social problem" in the
Jewish Community.

First recall how say Rabbi Akiba and Rachal met: He worked for her
father's "ranch". He was always around at the house, they would speak
frequently about everything and one thing led to another. The point here
is that they were in an environment where they could naturally interact
(vs an artificial dating situation where both parties are "confronted").

The idea of creating natural environments where Jewish singles can meet
with dignity has been the focus of several people: (e.g. Rebbitzen
Jungreis, AMIT women and others have sought to create such
environments).

My concern here is statistical: I know of no study that simply presents
data on couples who have actually married.  Here are some sample
questions and alternatives that I would like to see analyzed.  Such data
could productively lead to environments where couples naturally end up
married).

Some sample questions might be:

1) STATUS:  How long have you been married

2) MEETING: You first remember meeting each other thru 2a) An event 2b)
Someones suggestion 2c) You grew up/went to school/were in this group
together

3) ENGAGEMENT: You seriously saw each other socially for how long before
becoming formally engaged

4) TOGETHER ACTIVITIES: While you were seeing each other you principally
did the following:

5)ADVISE: Before becoming engaged you discussed/sought advise/were given
advise/ from the following

6a) MOST/LEAST:The following environmental factors (e.g. meeting places,
friends,..) were most helpful in your relationship

6b) MOST/LEAST: The following were least helpful

There is a subtle point to this inquiry: We are so use to hearing how a
couple SHOULD meet based on considerations of modesty and the nobility
of overlooking faults that we have ignored the question of how they DO
meet.

Perhaps someone out there knows of a study on this matter.  If not
perhaps someone will make such a study.  I think a knowledge of actual
practices will help create similar practices and possibly stabilize the
very unfortunate social dilemma we have

Russell Jay Hendel, Ph.D, ASA, rhendel @ mcs drexel edu