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From: rhendel@mcs.drexel.edu (Russell Hendel)
Date: Tue, 8 Jul 1997 20:07:40 -0400
Subject: Mikvah and Respect for Couples

I would like to second Rachel Shamah's recent statement about the need
to be careful in extending unnecessarily the time when women can go to
Mikvah. Neither Rachel nor I are asking that anyone abrogate any
halachah.  But we are asking that no chumrah's be "created" unless they
are already there.

Rachel already brought up the theoretical point that such unnecessary
extensions may lead the couple to sin or breaking up. I should also
point out that even if it doesn't go that far it may lead to fights and
unnecessary bickering and affect their friends and children. But to
emphasize Rachel's point that lives can be ruined I would like to cite 3
stories (one Biblical).

* Rabbi Manus Friedman recently told of a couple that started crying
when they heard about the marital separation laws. When he inquired he
found out that their (orthodox) Rabbi double crossed them--they asked
for a completely orthodox wedding and the Rabbi did not advise them
about the laws of family purity. When Rabbi Friedman asked this Rabbi
why he responded "I didn't think they were the type".

* G-d is known as merciful and just and as not punishing children for
parents sin. It is therefore a sign of great wrath when G-d  curses a
family and all its descendants for the acts of the parents. One of the
few such cases in the Bible is the "Sons of Eli" incident: Sam 1 2:22-3:19
The Bible relates that for monetary selfish reasons they pushed up the
times of sacrifices (so they could have their share) which resulted in
women sinning with their husbands (exactly Rachel's concern). The Biblew
accounts as if they themselves had slept with them (Sam 1 2:22--emphasis
on the "nun" of yishcuvoon)--and they and all their descendants were
punished!

* In a related sphere (Rabbis inteferring with peoples economic vs
marital life thru Chumrahs) I recently heard in the city I reside in, a
Rabbi get up at a public gathering and "confess" to misusing the laws of
intruding on ones neighbor's boundaries to prevent someone from
setting up a competing grocery store or pizza place in his part of town
because another congregant of his already had such an establishment (The
Rabbi refused to give Hashgachah for the Kashruth). As a result the
second congregant (Who had just moved in) had to declare bankruptcy (The
Rabbi said he is never going to intefer with peoples personal economic
lives again).

I think these stories are sufficient to show that real harm is being
done to people thru unnecessary chumrahs by Rabbis who don't think of
the consequences of what they do. I would personally like to see a few
Mail Jewish issues devoted to similar stories. Perhaps those Rabbis who
abstainfrom such practices can tell us how they have avoided it.

Russell Jay Hendel; RHendel @ Mcs . Drexel . edu