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From: rhendel@mcs.drexel.edu (Russell Hendel)
Date: Fri, 8 Aug 1997 13:28:27 -0400
Subject: Ayin Hara: Births vs Bar Mitzvahs and Weddings

Why do we have EVIL EYE prohibitions for buying baby presents (before
the birth) but not for bar mitzvahs and weddings? I believe this can be
explained using a recent explanation I made in another email group on
the meaning of the EVIL EYE.

I basically posited that

EVIL EYE = RIGHT TO SOCIAL PRIVACY = RIGHT NOT TO BE EXCESSIVELY TALKED ABOUT

In other words just as halachah recognizes my right to visual
privacy--e.g. I can force my neighbor to participate in building a fence
between me and him in order to prevent him "from seeing me (and invading
my privacy)--so to does halacha recognize my right not to be the "talk
of the town"--(which I (loosely) call social privacy). Some examples
illustrate this:

* If my father and I get an aliyah then we will be the "talk of the
shule" (e.g. "Do you see all the honors the Hendel family is getting?")

* If I "eye" my neighbors field during periods of growth I might talk
about his success and "make him the talk of the town"

Hence, consecutive aliyahs and viewing fields are EVIL EYE prohibited

* Similarly if everyone gets presents for a yet to be born baby it will
make this woman and her pregnancy the "talk of the town"--this stress
coupled with the stress of pregnancy may be more than the woman can cope
with.  The excessive talk may "damage" her (Note: The talmud explicitly
uses the term that "invasion of visual privacy is "damage")

By contrast a Bar Mitvah, reaching 12,13 is something that is "going to
happen anyway"--there is no fear of damage

As for a couple about to get married, they are ALREADY IN A STATE OF
STRESS (cf. Rambam, Laws of Shema Chapter 4:1,2,3). So talking about
them or giving them presents will not ADD TO THEIR stress.

I believe that this DAMAGE approach to the EVIL EYE prohibitions is
consistent with halachah and enables understanding many of its
intricacies (NOTE: I am not claiming that ALL evil eye prohbitions come
from social privacy damage..I am just claiming it is one component)

Russell Jay Hende; PH.d; ASA; RHendel @ Mcs Drexel edu