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From: Russell Hendel <rhendel@saber.towson.edu>
Date: Sun, 17 Sep 2000 00:00:26 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: The one time that Love is Bad

Jay F Shachter in v33n55 wrote a rather beautiful defense of the VALUE
of falling in love.

Notwithstanding the eloquence of this posting it **is** halachically wrong.
It is so wrong that Jay himself must admit he made a (tiny) omission.

Love is strong (as Jay said). It does make people aware of God (As Jay
said). It does lead to a rich understanding of life (As Jay Said). But
certainly Jay is aware that there are certain types of physical-emotional
relationship which superficially resemble love but are really physical
and escapist. Surely we all know this.

Surely we also know that the ONE time when we should NOT be thinking of
love is when an unbearable, irreversible and catastrophic event happens
in a persons life. Is not death of a close loved one such an unbearable
irreversible and catastrophic event. Would not love at such a time be merely
a drunkedness to wash away the pain---a physical escape which would override
the very love that Jay so eloquently praised.

THEREFORE, Jay should not be surprised when Jewish law states that
>>A person whose dead relative stands before him before the funeral
>>has the status of an ONAYN and besides the customary laws of mourning
>>is even exempt from saying the shma and all other prayers. Indeed a person
>>in such a state could not really have intentions much less love.

But then Jay **must** agree that since on Tisha Beav we have the status
not of mourners but of ONAYN that it is prohibited to 'escape'. Certainly
Jay must grant this is the one time during the year when love and flirting
should NOT take place.

Perhaps Jay is surprised at Chazal's harshness in classifying Tisha Beav
as ONAYNUS. But we visibly see that we are not in Jerusalem; we visibly
see that we wish a temple and sacrifices but cannot offer them--indeed we
visibly see death itself and immediately enter that irreversible shock
state called ONAYN.

Certainly then Jay must join in condemning flirting and all other 'escapes'
on Tisha Beav. Our goals should be to sit down and cry that we have no
temple, no sacrifices, no priests we can trust, no great sages, no
prophets to ask questions to, no full fulfillment of Biblical promises.

Respectfully submitted
Russell Jay Hendel; Phd ASA
Dept of Math Towson University
Moderator Rashi is Simple
http://www.RashiYomi.Com